Abiha

A deep conversation with Abiha Syed. 

Abiha immigrated to Canada, and Waterloo Region, 28 years ago, and has spent many of those years building connections between the Muslim community and the larger community. She is a co-founder and co-chair of the Muslim Woman of Cambridge and a Community Engagement Coordinator for Immigration Partnership Waterloo Region. Abiha was recently honored by YWCA Cambridge with a Woman of Distinction Award for her efforts supporting vulnerable people during the COVID 19 pandemic. 

The Muslim Women of Cambridge is a group of passionate women whose vision is to inspire and promote a culturally inclusive and respectful community. They strive to empower Muslim Women and are dedicated to making positive changes through community engagement—bridging the gap between the Muslim community and the larger community. 

To learn more about the Muslim Women of Cambridge visit mwcambridge.net. 

Immigration Partnership, where Abiha works,  is a collaborative of over 60 partner organizations working together to empower immigrants and refugees to successfully settle, work and belong in  Waterloo Region. They help build a welcoming, dynamic community through leadership, collaboration, research, engagement, education and advocacy.

To learn more about Immigration Partnership visit immigrationwaterlooregion.ca.

I’d like to thank Immigration Partnership for supporting my efforts with this podcast, and Abiha particularly for allowing me to interview her about her life story.

Visit: webpage for this episode. 

Transcript

[00:00:00] Greg: It's no time for small talk. Welcome to Deep Conversations with Strangers. It's a podcast that gives you access to deep perspectives from interesting neighbours in Waterloo region, who you may never have met before. It's like an icebreaker session, but for our diverse community. My name is Gregory Bisch.

For this episode, I'm talking to Abiha Syed. Who's a co-founder and co-chair of the Muslim Woman of Cambridge and a community engagement coordinator at Immigration Partnership, Waterloo Region. Abiha was recently honored by YWCA Cambridge with a woman of distinction award for her efforts, supporting vulnerable people during the COVID 19 pandemic.

Welcome to the podcast. Abiha. Thank you for joining me on deep conversations with strangers. I appreciate it. 

[00:00:59] Abiha: Thank you, Greg. [00:01:00] Thank you so much for inviting me. I feel privileged and honored to be on your podcast. 

[00:01:05] Greg: We've had a few conversations leading up to this and they've been very for me, very enlightening conversations, cuz I've learned a little bit about.

But today, we're going to learn a lot more about you and a bit about your life story. And I'm gonna borrow a little bit of the questions and techniques from the life story interview to methodology, which was developed by Dan P McAdams at Northwestern university that I find is a really good way of getting to know people's life story.

So just jumping Greg into. If your life to this point was a novel and you looked at the table of contents, what would four to seven of those chapters be called? 

[00:01:54] Abiha: Wow, that's a heavy question. It is. We're getting off the bat here. [00:02:00] Think it would just be, I think I was very privileged. Mm-hmm the first like, say till up to my teen years, I would.

Because of my parents or the family that I was in, I would say privilege. Okay. Blessed, 

[00:02:18] Greg: privileged, and blessed. Okay. And then after your teen years, 

[00:02:24] Abiha: I was born in a very large family, so I have never found myself fle or alone. See with this large, incredibly vocal, strong family. Hmm, in my mom's side and my dad's side, which was made up of professionals and business people and strong women and academically inclined family mm-hmm so it was everything mm-hmm, so many, uh, leaders.

Yeah. I was born in a family of leaders. So I guess my teen years was finding me, where do I fit in? And what is my [00:03:00] role? am I gonna blend in this? Or am I gonna stand 

[00:03:03] Greg: out so privileged or blessed was the first up to your teenagehood. And then finding, finding me, finding yourself was, was after that. And then early adulthood, 

[00:03:17] Abiha: early adulthood.

I moved to Canada. Mm-hmm so my life was very different in Canada. Mm-hmm so I was born in. Then I grew up and I was raised in many middle Eastern countries cuz my father traveled. Yeah. When I came to Canada, nobody knew me. Nobody knew my family. Nobody knew my affluent background. 

[00:03:41] Greg: Right. That would've been interesting.

That would be a shock. 

[00:03:45] Abiha: Yeah. It was not just a culture shock. It was a shock to, to start your own identity, starting from ground up. 

[00:03:54] Greg: So would you call that moving to Canada? 

[00:03:57] Abiha: I think I would call [00:04:00] belonging. Mm-hmm kind of figuring it out. How do I belong? Where do I belong? How do, how do I belong? Yeah. How do I belong?

Yeah. 

[00:04:12] Greg: And then what would the next chapters be called 

[00:04:15] Abiha: right now? I'm at a journey where I'm passionate about helping those. Who are kind of struggling to belong. Mm-hmm I love to help. I'd love to make somebody's journey a little easier. Mm-hmm so I guess my next chapters would be, how do I be a better and a more contributing community member?

Mm-hmm that I can help or support somebody else's journey. 

[00:04:49] Greg: Okay. Well, I think that's a, a really good start as far as. Some key chapters in your life. What I I would like to do is kind of go back and explore each chapter one [00:05:00] at a time and get the full story behind each chapter. So the first number of years of your life from childhood to teenage years is kind of your privileged and blessed time of your life.

So tell me a little bit about what your, the first years of your life was like. Fir first of all, where in India 

[00:05:21] Abiha: were you. I was born in a city called Bangalore. Okay. It's kind of like the more discern part of India. Okay. I was born in a very well to do and well known, well educated. It, it was born in a family which was made of leaders.

Basically my, my mother's brother was, uh, one of the top exporters of India in the eighties and the nineties. Mm. He exported all the way to us and Australia and Canada and England European countries. My father was a dental surgeon. He still [00:06:00] is mm-hmm and he traveled, he liked to work in different middle Eastern countries.

So we used to travel with him. So I had an experience of international travel as a, as youngest, six or seven years. Mm-hmm . 

[00:06:18] Greg: What was the atmosphere at home? Growing up, 

[00:06:20] Abiha: we lived individually in our own homes, but we all lived very close by mm-hmm. like a stone throws away was my dad's sister's house or my mother's brother's house or my grandmother's house.

We were going and visiting aunts and uncles homes or yeah, sleeping over and them visiting us was a normal thing. Mm. So in good times and bad times, there was a lot of family support. Mm-hmm if somebody felt sick, the entire family was there taking care of them. Mm-hmm it was, there's just a lot of family time.

we did things together. All of us booked a bus and went on a [00:07:00] picnic, like literally a bus. We didn't need any external factors to entertain us. We entertained ourselves. but at the same time, education was given very important. So exam times everybody meant business. I was scared of my uncle if I didn't study well, cuz he could give me a year's fall.

It wasn't just parents parenting. It was everybody parenting, everybody that's but it was all loved and accepted. There was it. Wasn't something looked down upon mm-hmm so. Academically we had to do well. We had to do well, make good choices because it wasn't just, we would get in trouble from my parents, but also I would get in trouble from everyone, everyone, and it was not just getting trouble.

It was more like disappointing. The family members was also like, oh, I don't wanna disappoint my uncle here has such high expectations about me. So it was a full, complete package. [00:08:00] Yeah. And cousins looking out to each other. So it's like a very community and, but this was a city, like I was in a proper metropolitan city, like Toronto.

So it 

[00:08:12] Greg: sounds like it was a very warm and loving and happy childhood. 

[00:08:18] Abiha: It was, it was happy. It was, it could be, it could be loud and , it could be times when people are not getting along. Somebody you figured it out to get past all of that. I can't remember anybody who did not have a strong personality mm-hmm and everybody was a successful person.

Not almost all family members were successful in their own terms and in their own way. Mm-hmm they were doctors, they were engineers, they were electricians. Uh, there was businessmen, one of. Uncle was in the police department. And he was at the highest rank at his time when he [00:09:00] retired. Yeah. Wow. The highest he could 

[00:09:01] Greg: go.

Yeah. So it sounds like he had a very eclectic family, but a family full of love and kindness and invested, but high expectations. It sounds like 

[00:09:13] Abiha: at that time mm-hmm, in the Canadian version. It can be high expect. In Indian version even today. Yeah. It's not a high expectation at all. That's a requirement of living of life.

Okay. That's a requirement of, of success. Okay. I still don't think that was a high expectation. That right. That's expectations. If you wanna, you choose what kind of a life you wanna live, you wanna live a life of growth and success, then you have to work hard. Doesn't matter what it is, whether it's education.

Whatever field. It is, whatever that looks like. Everything requires hard work. Hmm. So hard work was encouraged. 

[00:09:57] Greg: So then you [00:10:00] moved into your teenage years and you described that as finding myself for finding me, explain that a little bit. 

[00:10:09] Abiha: So the, so like I said, in this huge family of all this big personalities, a little 14 year old is lost.

And I, you had think at a very young age, if I look at it, if I look and re reflect back, somehow I never wanted to be lost. I've always stood out. I've always been in some form of leadership role. And I think that came naturally to me, like whether it was. Planning a picnic with my cousins. I was always the one coming up with ideas and taking this to one of the family members who could sponsor us.

Right. And then I would take the entire, all my cousins gang. Yeah. And plan this. Okay. We wanna do this and let's talk about who do we go and talk to and who can sponsor, oh, last time that uncle sponsor, let's go [00:11:00] to this guy now. . Or last time my dad sponsor said, let's go to your parents this time. Yeah.

Like it started from there, like small leadership roles. 

[00:11:09] Greg: Right. So what changed when you hit 14? 

[00:11:12] Abiha: Actually, it was, I was nine. I don't know why my ninth birthday is very stands out to me. Distinctly. My brother was born then mm-hmm and my mother. Was extremely sick during the pregnancy. And my father was not in India at that time.

We were in India. Okay. Um, so that, that, that time somehow, I don't know, it's very fresh in my mind. It had a big emotional impact on you. Yeah. My, my sister was younger and my dad was not in the country and we were living at that time in my uncle's house. my mom fell sick. Like mm-hmm, she, I think she was sick before that too, but somehow [00:12:00] that registered in my mind.

And from there, I was more aware of her being more and more unhealthy versus being healthy. 

[00:12:10] Greg: Did that change the responsibilities that you had 

[00:12:13] Abiha: at home? Yeah, certainly. I, I became the caregiver for my brother primarily. Mm, my mom was often I would find her not healthy. And so I would start making sure that when she's taking a nap, these, my brother or my sister are quiet or the neighbor's kids don't come and ring the bell.

Mm-hmm um, right. So my every move was measured. Mm-hmm so my mom was comfortable. 

[00:12:44] Greg: So this was a lot. A lot of pressure on you as a nine year old to take care of your mother and make sure that your brother and sister had all their needs met. 

[00:12:56] Abiha: Yes. That became kind of my responsibility. [00:13:00] It kind of, nobody gave it to me.

I could have easily walked away from it. Yeah. But I wouldn't use the word pressure. I don't know why that word doesn't sit well with me. It was just, that is what you do. Mm. That's part of your family. Yeah. That's what it's required. I mean, as humans we are, we have always been in tribes. We are not designed to be single or lonely creatures.

Mm-hmm 

[00:13:29] Greg: do you think there's a little bit of a joy, even though it was obviously you weren't happy that your mother was sick, but there's a little bit of a joy. When you contribute to your family? Of 

[00:13:41] Abiha: course, yes. I loved it. I, at that tender eight young age, I, I remember my father calling, my father had this certain time that he used to call like every other Sunday at 11 o'clock or something like that, the Indian standard time.

So I was, it was my job to make [00:14:00] myself available at that time. So I don't miss his phone call mm-hmm so, so I pick up the phone and as soon as I hear my dad's voice, I would. Like ready to take the directions. Yeah. And his instructions would be to the point, like whether it's to book an appointment with my mom's or doctor, of course, my uncles helped with all of this.

Of course I was the person doing this, or whether to go to the bank or whatever his instructions were. Mm-hmm . So this started as when I was nine, when my mom was pregnant and then it went all the way till I moved to candor. So that was till I was 19. So 

[00:14:37] Greg: how did that all come to be? The decision to move to Canada 

[00:14:41] Abiha: coming to Canada was, was because I got engaged to my husband at that time.

Okay. Okay. So the sole purpose for me to come to Canada was because he was living in Canada already. His parents had moved to Canada when he was a baby mm-hmm from India. They moved from India. But 

[00:14:58] Greg: how did you get [00:15:00] to know Bo each other and get married? 

[00:15:04] Abiha: In simple words that I know what most people wanna hear me say is that it was an arranged marriage.

Okay. Yes, it was an arranged marriage. Okay. So there's a difference with arranged marriage and forced marriage. Right? So arranged marriage basically is what we do in modern times is set up two people who the family or friends think that they can be compatible. Right. And then see where it leaves. So basically that's what happened.

It was my. Fathers and my husband's father's idea, they knew each other from India, right? So they thought that I think our kids will make a good couple. And so I talked to my husband at that time on the phone and, uh, I had no reservations. He had no reservations. And then we got engaged that. 

[00:15:51] Greg: So it sounds like a, a very caring way to try to set up two people together.

The fathers knew each. And they thought you [00:16:00] would get along and said, why don't you start talking? And by the time you agreed to get married, had you ever seen him in person at that 

[00:16:07] Abiha: point? So I knew the family since I was born, cuz my dad and my husband's father know each other very, very well mm-hmm so every time to visit India, they visited us and I knew them and.

Um, so he wasn't a stranger? No, he was not a stranger. His family was not a stranger. They, they used to send pictures of Canada and their travels or life milestones. We wasn't like, they'd never visited. They used to come every other year or every three years. I think mm-hmm so it wasn't, um, total strangers.

Mm-hmm 

[00:16:49] Greg: what is your husband's name? So I'm RA. Okay. Um, so what, what are those conversations like on the phone when you know that you could be [00:17:00] talking to your future 

[00:17:01] Abiha: husband? See, those times were different, even though Raim was raised here, he was raised in a very strong cultural values. Mm-hmm religious and cultural.

Okay. And same with me. Mm. So the way I grew up, or at least the youth of that time grew up was that parents introduced them to, to a person who could be a potential spouse. Right. Mm-hmm but the parents did a lot of background research. So my father had done. A lot of research. Mm-hmm who is rain? What is he about?

What is he studying? What is ambitious? Isn't actual bio data, like a resume style biota with the cover letter that comes to me cause comes to a girl about a boy. Yeah, really? And then the girl gets to choose. [00:18:00] Yeah. Each of this bio that is good enough. Yeah. Or this resume is good enough for an interview.

Yeah. Wow. And the same goes to the guy as well. Right. But it's more so about the boy, at least at, I mean, now the girl and the boy are professionally are educationally. Same, but back in eighties, it was mostly like the boy's education was considered, even the girls was, but mostly the boys, like how will he was, is he a good provider?

Is he right? Like, if I say in the, in, in today's words, is he the husband material basically? Yes. Can he 

[00:18:32] Greg: fulfill that role and provide for a family? And be your intellectual equal and all of 

[00:18:37] Abiha: those things. Right. I knew mm-hmm this person was compatible mm-hmm or was worth considering it wasn't just some random person mm-hmm

So when I coming back to your question, I had nothing much to talk because the research was already done and he was fine and investigated [00:19:00] enough. So we just draw general things. Yeah. About mostly he used ask, how is the weather, which I never understood why his, every conversation started with how is the weather?

Because in Indian, Saudi Arabia weather is same. It's hot throughout the. I'm like, why did this dude always talk about weather? What's a big deal. It hot. Now I know the emphasis of powers of weather because in Canada it had so many implications and meeting to it. Yes. Right. I never understood for two years, his conversation, every time started with how the weather.

Yeah. And it used to irritated me, like who cares how the weather is? Why do you always ask me about the weather? 

[00:19:42] Greg: So. You agree that this, uh, that Rahe meets your standards and you, so do you have a wedding in India at that point? Uh, 

[00:19:56] Abiha: oh my God, Greg, I don't know which time you have[00:20:00]

so basically what happened was I was in Saudi Arabia and Mecca is a very holy place for us. Yes. And Muslims go to some, to perform a pilgrimage called HUD. okay. So that year there was no plans for my marriage. We were just engaged. There was no real plans when we would get married. Right. It was somewhere into the future, cuz I was very young.

I was still studying and same with Rahim. He was studying too. And that year we planned to go to Hudge the pilgrimage as a family. Mm-hmm , it's an event. It's a life changing humongous milestone in any Muslim's life. Mm. Then my in-laws happened to get a chance to come for Hudge as well. Oh, cool. So my father and his father had a great idea that now that we are meeting in Hudge in such a auspicious and a beautiful place of MC of course.

Okay. They decided to [00:21:00] do not a, not a official government related marriage, but like, like saying your idols, but not say your vows kind of thing. Just saying your vows. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um, but not getting officially married. Okay. Not legal. So they decided to do Anika, which is our vows. Yeah. So we got Aika done there.

Mm-hmm , that's where. Consider my marriages and I still celebrate May 16th was when we got married. I still celebrate that. Day's our marriage anniversary. Mm-hmm it's been 28 years. 

[00:21:32] Greg: Yeah. Oh, congratulations. That's up. Thank 

[00:21:34] Abiha: you. So eventually when I came to Canada, mm-hmm we got a court marriage done, then it was a very simple, small.

Uh, where we got legally married. Yeah. Where did 

[00:21:48] Greg: you settle in Canada? At 

[00:21:49] Abiha: first, it's always been Cambridge. He, Cambridge Raim has always been a Cambridge boy. His parents came to Cambridge mm-hmm but he was a baby. So they've always lived, [00:22:00] uh, in Cambridge and I have always lived in Cambridge. Mm-hmm I moved to 

[00:22:04] Greg: Canada.

What was your first impressions of Cambridge? 

[00:22:07] Abiha: When you came? The first impression was good. Seen I've always liked water in nature. Mm-hmm and greenery mm-hmm I came in August. Okay. Yeah. I came in the end of August, so it was all fun and summer and it was all green and lots. Nice weather. And, uh, so the initial was awesome.

I absolutely loved, I still loved Cambridge. I loved Cambridge. I loved Canada. I loved everything about it. It was a new, new adventure, new face in my life. Yeah. The reality set with winter hit. Yeah. I 

[00:22:49] Greg: bet that you made at a bar when you experience your first winter. What was that like? 

[00:22:56] Abiha: It hit me hard from every direction.

Okay. It was like a [00:23:00] shower of icicles, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. And from every angle, because the summer was awesome right. In summer, you know, you see people in Canada. Yeah. Yeah. And, and then when winter came, that was a huge shock cultural shock to me because as soon as September it hit, the school started leaves like literally dropped in a matter of days.

And there was no people on the street. Mm-hmm I had. Ever experienced, no people on the street, never in my life. Mm-hmm so it was tribe to no tribe. Yeah. To warm weather, to cold weather. Yeah. To long, bright days to short dark days. Yeah. It was just like the first winter was the hardest for me. I enlisted.

Dunno how I survived. Yeah. I did not expect [00:24:00] this much of the drastic change. And our community, meaning the Muslim community was very less in Cambridge. It was there, but not as much. 

[00:24:10] Greg: It, it sounds like those moments were very, they would've been very dark and they would've been depressing and shocking. How did it feel when it started to get warm?

Again? 

[00:24:22] Abiha: I like the spring even today. February is the hardest month for me in the year. Me too, March. I kind of get my energy back in April and may. I love it. I love to see the fresh leaves. So when spring came, I loved it. Mm-hmm because I'd never seen the growth of leaves in such a short time. Yeah. Yeah.

And how I define is spring is when Canada becomes high definition. Yes. Like you could see every leaf on a tree, every pet of a flower mm-hmm you could see bugs, you could see butterflies. [00:25:00] Yes. So I loved it. So that hurt me back to life. I was, yeah, like 

[00:25:06] Greg: that's a rebirth. The, the 

[00:25:08] Abiha: spring, it was. Yeah. When spring came, I started making friends, like I didn't even talk to neighbors in India.

Neighbors are always outside. You're saying hi and talking to them. Mm-hmm but here it was a leg that I didn't see my own neighbors still in spring. I think I made a first friend sometime in April or may. Yeah. And that lady and I am still friends today. Oh yeah. Shes down where I was living at that time.

And she, she was a white Canadian. . Um, 

[00:25:38] Greg: how was, was 

[00:25:39] Abiha: your English at that time? Oh, my English had always been good. Okay. Because, 

[00:25:44] Greg: so that something, you, you learn heavily in India? 

[00:25:48] Abiha: Yes. Yes. Okay. I would say that I have two first languages, English and Norto okay. Cause both the languages were introduced to me when I was born.

Okay. So English was [00:26:00] never an issue. Okay. So in spring, I made my first friend, I started seeing kids out on the street. Mm-hmm it was really, I woke up from a hibernation yeah. 

[00:26:12] Greg: Yeah. Um, what was it like meeting your first Canadian friend? 

[00:26:16] Abiha: She was an awesome, awesome woman. Like absolutely. Uh, very loving, very nice lady.

Mm-hmm she was a mother at that time. She was expecting her. Fifth child. I think mm-hmm she was a mother. So she understood where I came from. Kind of mm-hmm she would come knock at my door and she'd say, do you wanna join me for a walk? And I would be so happy. I would be like, somebody's asking me to get out and go for mm-hmm.

like, that's when I explored my neighborhood, I had even stepped out in the winter. Mm-hmm . Now at that time, the one of the first mosque of Cambridge was actually getting instructed. Okay. So there was not. There were small mosque, like it, [00:27:00] a small rule, which was made shift MOS. Yeah. Right now we have in Cambridge, this four or five big mosque, two of them are very active.

It's like a beehive. Yeah. There's so much happening in this mosque. It's like a community center. Right. But then there was even, that was not there. So a 

[00:27:21] Greg: lot of changed in Cambridge over the last. Like you came from this big family where it was, like you said loud all the time, and now you're in this quiet city in, in, in Canada.

And you don't know anyone. How did you feel with that? That must have been a 

[00:27:41] Abiha: shock. It was, it was a shock. I almost felt like coming to a Western country developed country. I went backwards just to my life. Still went backward. My travel stopped. My education stopped. Nobody knew me. Nobody knew my family.

Nobody knew where I [00:28:00] came from. And in the nineties, the not a lot of racialized people were in the community. So no, the community didn't know what to make out of them. Yeah. And there was such diverse. Population here in regards to agricultural group, that some of them came from third world countries from conflict countries as refugees.

Mm-hmm that the assumption was everyone was a refugee or everyone was illiterate or no, mm-hmm that every brown person who came to Canada and did not speak English. Right. Which wasn't show in your case. Yeah. Right now, like you asked me too, how was my English? Yeah. That was the assumption as assumption then.

Yeah. And it's an assumption today? Yes. My first few years was like proving or kind of waving a flag and saying, I'm literate. I can read, I can write, I can speak English. Yeah. And I'm educated. My family's educated. I am not from an oppressed country. I am not [00:29:00] being oppressed. I'm from a free world coming to this free world with my free.

So that's what I did for so many years, like kind of waving this plat all the time, and that becomes exhausting. I bet. 

[00:29:15] Greg: And, and even with me not knowing that you came here and a lot of in Indian people coming here would, of course know English, like even that constant correction must be draining 

[00:29:29] Abiha: it's it's correction and it's assumption.

Yes. 

[00:29:33] Greg: I hope you didn't take offense to me saying that it 

[00:29:37] Abiha: is hard not to be offended by it. Yeah, Greg, because, I mean, I know you have been talking to you for so many times now, but still it's hard not to get offended. Mm-hmm because. You have been asked that question like thousands of times. Of course. Yeah.

So my tip for that is the good que the best way to ask somebody of their [00:30:00] language capability or what languages they speak is what languages did you come with in Canada? Oh, I see. Okay. It's a very simple question, but it's a very polite and a nice way of know. So the if, and that person will tell you the five, six languages that they're speaking and you, one of them will be English mm-hmm

[00:30:20] Greg: So that's a much better way than what I, 

[00:30:23] Abiha: what languages did you come with? Mm-hmm to Canada. Simple as that. Yeah. Instead of outright saying how, like, did you speak English or whatever? I'm sorry. I don't mean to put you on the spot there, but oh, no, no. That's okay. But this has happened to me many times. 

[00:30:39] Greg: And I, and that's part of the reason of having these conversations is, is it opens my eyes a little bit.

[00:30:45] Abiha: I totally agree that a lot of people who come to Canada don't speak English and that's the best part of Canada is that it's opening doors for refugees. Mm-hmm people from the countries where this conflict it's giving a safe home for those who, [00:31:00] whose homes have become unsafe. Mm-hmm right. So I love that part of about Canada and that's what makes Canada so special and.

There are also others like myself who have come here because we chose to come here. Right? What I tell of immigrants who have applied to come to Canada's immigrants on permanent residency status is a very different process. I don't know how many people know this, but there's something called a point system.

Literally they're given an individual is given points. The higher the point, the more chances of you coming to Canada, the points is based on education, the higher education, the more points age, the younger, the person, the more points, money, how much money are you bringing into Canada? The more money you bring, the more points, health help, even a [00:32:00] slightest chance of somebody having some kind of health.

Wow puts you way down in your point system. Wow. Yeah. So getting the cream of the crop from another country here, healthy, highly educated, rich, you're bringing money in dollars. They're not counting the currency of the other country. They're looking at hundreds of thousands of dollars of what you're bringing into Canada.

Of course, you cannot go on the Canadian financial support. You're bringing enough money to say that we will survive for so many years, the large number of family, the more the money. Yes. So my father, for example, if he were to come to Canada, now he's 70 plus, but then when he, if he was responsive and he was at a young age, mm-hmm , he had all the points of the world to come to Canada.

Cuz he's a certified doctor. He was a master's he had done, he couldn't practice being a doctor in Canada. Yeah. 

[00:32:53] Greg: But he could all over the middle east, but not 

[00:32:56] Abiha: yeah. All over, but he could adhere. A lot of people who come [00:33:00] with foreign degrees, they end up doing jobs, not just jobs, not in their field, but they end up doing jobs like driving cabs.

Right. How does that make you feel?

I have mixed feelings for this because on one hand, it's giving a home safe home to a lot of people who are choosing to come to. If they're choosing to come to Canada, there's a reason why they want to leave their home country, whether it's political reasons, whether it's the, uh, turmoil that might be starting to brew.

But on the other hand, if you are giving so much importance to education, then there should be ways to tune. Have that recognized. Right? I. That there should be exams for doctors. I agree. I get it. I know why that's it, but not 

[00:33:53] Greg: starting from the beginning. Right, right. The next chapter of your life, which is becoming a, a better member of [00:34:00] the community and contributing back to the community.

And I, I wanna get in a little bit of that and it started with, it started with you being a mother and having kids going to school. So how many children do you have? I have four. Tell me about how you really started to get involved in the community. 

[00:34:20] Abiha: So the first 10 years of my life in Canada, we were raising a family.

So in the first 10 years of being here, I had, I had three children when I came to Canada, I wanted to, to pursue my education, but that did not happen because, uh, you think that get going back to college in Canada because it's a Western country, modern country is an easy thing, but it wasn't, it had lots of obstacles for many, many reasons.

And I couldn't. So then we started raising family and I put all my energy and effort into being a mom. My oldest daughter, when going to school, it was a month of Ramadan where Muslims fast and she [00:35:00] was fasting. And I think she was in grade 2 or grade 3 and she came home one day upset that her classmates were teasing her that she's hungry because she doesn't have food because she's poor.

So she was, uh, I see being bullied or teased a lot. So she, when she came and told me that I immediately, my idea, my thought was, oh, they're saying this because they don't know anything about Ramadan. They don't know why me fast. So I called the school and I talked to the teacher and the teacher herself knew a little bit about Ramadan, but she didn't know much about it, which really surprised me because.

There's so many Muslims here and how can they not know? And again, by then the population of Muslims had grown in Cambridge. Then I talked to the principal and the principal didn't know much either. So I asked them the permission, like, could I come to you the classroom and talk about Ramadan and talk to the students?

Why we fast and what is the emphasis around it? So [00:36:00] I did a small presentation to the children. I think I took cupcakes or some kind of treats to the children. I took her fancy clothes, cuz I showed it to the children that like how you celebrate Christmas, this is what Ramadan is for us. Like the month of December in Canada is a very spiritual month.

month It's a Christmas spirit. Right? Right. So I was like, this is the Ramadan spirit. where we give lots of money to the charity and we fast. It's explained And it was well received. Very well received. Children were nicer to her. They in fact started not eating around her in break times. Wow. The teacher gave her a spot in her room, in a classroom away from where the kids would eat, that she made a little corner where she could, where my daughter could go sit down and read a book.

Wow. So the teacher did that and then I realized, oh, all you need is to educate. So [00:37:00] then the other teachers invited me to do this presentation in the other classrooms. And then the next year I did presentation in more schools. Mm-hmm so it kind of grew from there. And I never knew this was a journey I was taking.

It was just one day at a time, one step at a time. Um, but that's 

[00:37:19] Greg: again, you stepping into that leadership role. You didn't know it at the time, but that was your instinct. That was nice. They, they didn't understand. So I'm gonna step in a leadership role and, and tell them more about it and 

[00:37:34] Abiha: educate them.

Yeah. My instinct was to educate, not to find that I didn't even know that was a sort of my journey mm-hmm and then I started volunteering at a community center, like see the first 10 years I was very in the bubble of my own. Yes. A mommy bubble and I loved it. I was comfortable. I stepped out of my comfort zone.

It was for my, it was, it was good. I was doing my own [00:38:00] role yeah. Of educating the community and being that the spokesperson. And I think it also helped because my English was good. So I was able to communicate the perspective of a Muslim's life, right. Values to a person who is not insulin mm-hmm . So a nine 11 happened.

I remember distinctly thinking, oh my God, I have to do all this work over again. 

[00:38:28] Greg: Oh, wow. Yeah. It's amazing that, that was your first 

[00:38:31] Abiha: thought. That was my first thought, because I'll tell you why Muslims are like looked at as a very narrow lens. If a white person there's a shooting recently that happened in Texas mm-hmm

So when things like that happened, how does the media portray that person? Mm. and he has mental health issues. He's a loner, but if the same thing happens to a Muslim, yeah. It's different immediately. They're considered terrorist. [00:39:00] Yeah. When nine 11 happened, that that was a huge, uh, impact on many, many, many Muslims.

Mm-hmm I had become quite active in the Cambridge community. I stepped myself back to tell you the truth. Mm-hmm I kind of became quieter for the next six, seven months, but also went. They cared about my safety. So I became less woke, you know, our Muslim families did not step out of our homes for over a week.

Oh, wow. I'm talking about Cambridge members that I know. Right. Even my extended family or friends spread across Canada, there were quite a few family members who have been attacked, um, like attacking Cambridge at, uh, no, not in Cambridge. 

[00:39:42] Greg: Okay. Like within 

[00:39:43] Abiha: Canada though, within Canada. Yeah, I did slow down after nine 11, but then I think after a year I, I picked up right back again and said, no, this is not how I want to live my life.

And I, I placed the amount of work I was doing on my own, which was volunteer work again. 

[00:39:59] Greg: Mm-hmm [00:40:00] and what kind of volunteer work at that point? 

[00:40:02] Abiha: And my works just stayed within Cambridge. Like reaching out to schools. Principals would connect with me if they had any, some issue with the family. Who is Muslim, they would come to me, they would run that by me and kind of get a background story of what it could be and what's the best way to approach.

And then many times it would not be an as big of an issue if, as a perspective or the assumption. Right. 

[00:40:27] Greg: Right. I'm so impressed by your ability to go into this different culture, like this culture that doesn't understand you at all and navigated in a way, particularly after nine 11. That you're not getting people's backs up.

In fact, they, they are reaching out to you to 

[00:40:46] Abiha: help them. But not, I, I don't even today, I don't have a tagline for what I do. It's just, uh, word of mouth. Yeah. So, so [00:41:00] how was the woman of Cambridge came about, was at that time, um, a friend of mine, she was also doing similar work and. The coalition of Muslim women in kitchen and Waterloo, right.

They were doing this type of work and they had come together as an organization. And both my friend and I were very impressed with the work they do. Mm-hmm . But at that time, their services did not come to Cambridge. Right. So I was volunteering with them and then it was a joint kind of an idea that, okay, a lot of women are doing the similar kind of work.

Why don't we come together and right. Do it together. So that's what the idea came in. We were like about aged or 10 women who came together mm-hmm in 2017 and we were just a bunch of friends doing work together. And the group unanimously chose me and my friend Rubina ital to be the co-chairs. And what's that experience been what it has been amazing.

[00:42:00] It's been awesome. Like there is a need, there is a thirst for this work, larger organiz. Want to bridge this cultural gap, right? So they are reaching out to us and there's two things. One is these organizations genuinely want to learn mm-hmm and want to be better at providing services to Aetna cultural groups.

And they wanna add diversity to their own organizations, too. Right? So over years, what happened? And I was one of that the first 10 years of my life in Canada, remember I said I was in the Buffalo in my own. Yes. Capsule. I wasn't communicating with the larger community. Right. My need was met with my, my own community.

Right. So I didn't have the need to go and talk to the outside resources or sources. Right. So you can see these ethnic cultural groups have their own bubbles or their own, because they're happy in that. Right. They need the left. Yes. 

[00:42:57] Greg: But do you see an inherent issue 

[00:42:59] Abiha: [00:43:00] with that? Yes. For our children. Our next generation who have born and bought up in Canada.

Mm-hmm who have gone to schools here for them. Just one community is not enough. Right. They have to be a part of the whole, they have to be part of the larger Canada, right? Yes. As a mother, I feel that there's a huge gap. There are youth who are born and raised in Canada are missing. Either they're missing out with the larger community or they're missing out with their own culture.

Mm-hmm, , they're really finding it hard to balance both the cultures, but they cannot leave one or the other. They need both. I can survive just in my Indian culture or just in my Muslim culture. I'll be fine. Mm-hmm but that won't work for our children because a youth who was born here, they have to integrate with every.

We have to know each [00:44:00] other. We have to communicate, 

[00:44:03] Greg: uh, would it be okay for me to ask you to describe the, the role that your faith has played in your life? 

[00:44:10] Abiha: Well, faith is very important to me. I'm a practicing Muslim. That means that I believe in oneness of God and that the profit Muhammad based upon him was the last messenger or the last prophet that got.

that means that Adam, I believe in Adam, he was a first messenger or prophet or the first human being that God created. And then Jesus was also a messenger or prophet that got sent and Abraham, Abraham and all the whole lineage. Right. So I believe in that mm-hmm , I believe in the power of God who knew so's called aah.

And I totally believe in destiny and that we are chosen by a law to do the work of [00:45:00] God. Mm-hmm , which is there's a, this journey on this earth is a very small journey and we are here to spread goodness, and to be a good contributing community member and a human being. Mm-hmm I. A lot to God, like right before this interview, I prayed and I asked God to guide me to see the right thing that what I see is impactful in a meaningful way.

Mm-hmm I didn't want it to be just word of just because I'm given a platform and I didn't want it to just splatter words. It has to be impactful. It has to make a difference or somewhere somebody who is listening, if they can be influenced or motivat. Or inspired by me in a good way. Mm-hmm , I'll be happy for that.

Mm-hmm yeah. It's, it's a, it's a journey of [00:46:00] giving back. Mm-hmm 

[00:46:02] Greg: I really like how you explained that and how you explained what that means to you. I, I wanted to thank you for giving of yourself of this time to have this interview with me, but also to educate. I really appreciate that. 

[00:46:21] Abiha: Thank you so much, Greg, for giving me this opportunity and this space and giving this comfortable space, like I was comfortable speaking to you.

Okay. I had to remind myself that others are gonna listen as well. Yeah. I honestly didn't think a conversation will go in so many different that, like I said, that I was blessed and privileged. Like for the first question you asked me. Yeah. Um, so I'm still blessed and privileged and I wanna take. Blessing.

And my me being privileged to help and support anybody to make the journey a little easier. Mm-hmm in the [00:47:00] journey of belonging mm-hmm and that belonging is not just geography wise. It could be belonging in a family, belonging in your, in the, in just, uh, the walk of life. You 

[00:47:11] Greg: know, I feel like you've done a really good job.

Of describing your journey of belonging, but even he helping me in a way of journey of belonging. So I really appreciate 

[00:47:25] Abiha: that. Aha. Thank you. Thank you so much.

The Muslim woman of Cambridge is a group of passionate women whose fishing is to inspire and promote a culturally inclusive and respectful community. 

They strive to empower Muslim women and are dedicated to making positive changes through community engagement, bridging the gap between the Muslim community and larger community.

To learn more about the Muslim woman of Cambridge. Visit MW cambridge.net. That's MW, Cambridge, all one [00:48:00] word.net. 

Immigration partnership where a Beale works. It's a collaborative of over 60 partner organizations working together. To empower immigrants and refugees to successfully settle, work and belong in Waterloo region. And to help build a welcoming dynamic community. They achieved this through leadership, collaboration, research, engagement, education, and advocacy. 

I find out more at immigration Waterloo region. Dot CA. That's immigration, Waterloo region. All one word.ca. 

I'd like to thank immigration partnership for supporting my efforts with this podcast and a Bihar, particularly for allowing me to interview her about her life story. If you've enjoyed this episode, please listen to another. The one reason.

People want to die by suicide is they want their pain to end that's it?

That's new Hamburg resident, Alan [00:49:00] Strong. He spent a career working in the Ontario mental health sector. And himself lives with bipolar disorder type two. Listen to my interview with him as part of this first series of deep conversations with strangers Thanks for listening Take heart and take care