Kathy

A deep conversation with Kathy Foster about her life story. Kathy is a resident of Supportive Housing of Waterloo. Her personal tragedy triggered a period of homelessness that lasted 18 years. She spent most of that time on the streets of Waterloo Region. 

In this episode of Deep Conversations with Strangers, Kathy courageously shares a story of loss and learning.  

At Supportive Housing of Waterloo, they believe housing is a fundamental right for everyone. Beyond affordable housing, they help people transform their lives by providing programs, services, and support for homelessness, addiction, and mental and physical health issues. 

By donating to SHOW, you can make a meaningful difference in people's lives by helping to give them the dignity of having a safe place to call home. Thank you to the staff at supportive housing of Waterloo for connecting Deep Conversations with Strangers with Kathy.

Supportive Housing of Waterloo website: www.showaterloo.org

Visit: webpage for this episode.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Greg: Content warning. This episode includes discussion about trauma, self harm and suicide.

Some people may find these topics to serving. Please make healthy decisions about whether to listen to this content.

It’s no time for small talk. Welcome to deep conversations with strangers, an icebreaker podcast for an increasingly diverse community. My name is Gregory Bisch. For this episode, I’m talking to a resident of Supportive Housing of Waterloo, a. So at what point in your life did things really start to change for you?

[00:00:40] Kathy: When my first son got killed.

[00:00:41] Greg: When your first son got killed?

[00:00:42] Kathy: Brian

[00:00:41] Greg: That’s Kathy foster, her personal tragedy triggered a period of homelessness that lasted 18 years, and she spent most of that time on the streets of Waterloo region. In this episode, she [00:01:00] courageously shares a story of loss and learning.

Well, welcome. Thank you for joining us on the deep conversation with strangest podcast, Kathy. Thank you very much. Thank you. Um, so how are you doing today? I’m not too bad. That’s good. So what I, I would like to do Kathy, is, um, I’m interested a little bit in how your life got here and I want to, but I wanna start from the.

If that’s okay with you. Okay. And talk about your childhood for a few minutes and talk about your adulthood. Does that make sense? Yeah. Okay. So Kathy, where, where were you born?

[00:01:38] Kathy: Markdale Ontario. It’s north of Toronto.

[00:01:39] Greg: Were you raised there?

[00:01:43] Kathy: I was raised there till I was, uh, five years old. Mm-hmm and then I was brought to Cambridge, Ontario.

Okay. Her during the flood? Yeah, that was in 73, 74. Okay.

[00:01:57] Greg: What was life like for [00:02:00] you then? I don’t remember back that far. Yeah.

[00:02:03] Kathy: But all I can remember is when, uh, dad used to get, uh, we used live across from sunset drive in Preston. We’d take, uh, lawn chairs and go sit across across the big highway. Yeah.

Just to watch some movies outside.

[00:02:17] Greg: Yeah. So

[00:02:18] Kathy: who did you use to go with? When, when I went to the movies? Yeah. All my sisters and my, yeah, my two sisters and our three cousins. Okay.

[00:02:27] Greg: So it sounds like you had a lot of family around you growing up in Cambridge. Yes. And how many siblings did you have?

[00:02:37] Kathy: My sister, my, my two sisters and my younger brother, Danny.

Okay. And Kevin. And that’s another brother mm-hmm he’s the oldest. And, uh, My mom, my, my first stepfather mm-hmm cuz I never knew my real father. Okay.

[00:02:56] Greg: And that’s who you’re living with at this point in your life? Mm-hmm [00:03:00] so, um, was that a happy time? It was fun. Yeah. Happy? Yeah. What, what kind of, other than going to the movie theaters, what kind of,

[00:03:08] Kathy: um, dad would get.

Potato chips, a big bag of hose, potato chips. There, we get him for 25 cents a bag. And he, the guy that sell him for 75 cents a bag to other people. Right. We got lucky. Um, oh, I used climb trees all the time. I love cleaning trees. I like nature. I love bone camping, love fishing club. Everything about nature.

[00:03:30] Greg: So did you essentially grow up in Cambridge in Preston then? Yeah. Yeah. Um, so it sounds like those were generally happy years

[00:03:37] Kathy: for you. Yeah, it was. Okay.

[00:03:40] Greg: and so you went to school, which school did

[00:03:42] Kathy: you go to there? Um, I went to several schools. I went to St. Andrews. I went to Dixon. I went to, um, Manchester, Lincoln and GCI finally ended up oh, and then got to grade six mm-hmm they passed me from grade six to [00:04:00] grade eight.

Yeah. Wow. Because I said, why you passed mom that? And they said, well, she’s too smart for us.

[00:04:07] Greg: So it, you skipped grade, you script grade seven? Yeah. Wow. And what was high school like for you? It was great. Yeah. What did you like doing most during those years?

[00:04:18] Kathy: Um, history science, geography, typing. Mechanic woodwork home economics.

Yeah.

[00:04:27] Greg: Were you a fairly good

[00:04:28] Kathy: student in high school? I was, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Until, um, we got to home economics where we had to make those wraparound skirts. You just tie, right. The teacher wouldn’t even talk to you. Look at me until the bell rang range when we would get him a problem. Well, yeah, I’ve only had my hand up for like five, six minutes mm-hmm so she came to me and I told her to fuck off and sent me to the principal’s office and he told me.

You were suspended for seven days. Okay. By the time I got from GCI to the house, mm-hmm, walked in the door and Des his, so you [00:05:00] got kicked outta school LA yeah. Said no, I only got suspended. No, you got kicked out. So he kicked

[00:05:06] Greg: me up. Did they kicked you up for, for swearing at the teacher? Yep. Was that the only reason of the picture of, yeah.

What grade would he have been in? 10. 10. So how, what impact did that have on. Yeah, I didn’t want

[00:05:20] Kathy: well, because if I was in school, I would’ve graduated high school. Like, you know, graduated college. Could’ve got a decent job. Mm-hmm instead. This is what I got for the rest of my life. So

[00:05:31] Greg: take me through that.

Would you say that that, that point in your life of getting kicked outta school was, was, um, starting of a trend? Yes. So, so what happened after you got kicked outta school? Well, I

[00:05:43] Kathy: moved, it was my cousin at Janice and Sally. I was still in Ambridge, but I. Ingul is totally impressed. It mm-hmm but, uh, yeah, we, I moved in with them.

I babysat for them all the time and cleaned the house and came with the kids. And it sounds

[00:05:58] Greg: like you sounds like [00:06:00] you enjoyed that. Yeah. Yeah. And then high school would’ve ended for your friends. Uh,

[00:06:06] Kathy: we partied, yeah. My friends that, yeah. And it was absolutely, it was great.

[00:06:12] Greg: Yeah. What does, what does a party look like for you back then?

[00:06:16] Kathy: Lots of drinking. Like, you know, having fun, you know, got high.

[00:06:22] Greg: Yeah. And, and so that still sounds like it’s a fairly happy time in your life. Yeah, it was. Yeah. And so how old would you then when this was going on 15,

[00:06:32] Kathy: 16, 15, 16, 16, 17, maybe

[00:06:35] Greg: 10. So take me from what happened after that point in your life?

[00:06:43] Kathy: I started babysitting for several people. Once I got older, I stayed, like I stayed with my cousins, families and stuff like that.

[00:06:51] Greg: And so why didn’t you stay with your

[00:06:52] Kathy: mom? Uh, because my dad kicked me out. Why did he kick you out? Because they kicked me outta school and Alfred was [00:07:00] blind. My first stepfather.

Yeah. He was completely blind and he was on the blind pension C I beat. And once you’re kicked outta school or anything, they kick you off the pension. Oh, I see. So he doesn’t have to pay for your roofing or anything and okay. But then after that, he took me by old mom, said, mom, bits me, just take me back.

And then I was his eyes from there on didn’t know what.

[00:07:25] Greg: So at what point in your life did things really start to change for you? Well, my first son, dad killed when your first son got killed. Right? Right. Do you mind talking about your son’s death?

[00:07:40] Kathy: Uh, sometimes. Okay. Not alive.

[00:07:43] Greg: How old were you? At that point.

Who,

[00:07:47] Kathy: how long was I? About 25 to a seven, but I’ve had other kids after that. And what happened to him? He got killed by a two burner range stove. Okay. In own sound. Okay. That’s all I’d like to [00:08:00] say. Okay. And so it was an accident. It was a fatal, a. But were you

[00:08:07] Greg: with him at the trunk? Um,

[00:08:09] Kathy: no, he was, uh, I was out in the front doing a yard sale with my friend that I met up there.

Okay. Or that I knew up there. Yeah. And, um, and me were doing the yard sale with my son, Anthony mm-hmm and Brian asked if he go to wash him. I said, sure. After five minutes, I said, but I went upstairs. I looked everywhere. Couldn find under beds in closets, everywhere mm-hmm and find them all around the neighborhood.

People are saying, oh, Near I was saying, yeah, well, I’m going in to check every mm-hmm I checked the whole block. My friend checked the whole block. Her brother came in, found under wheat stove.

[00:08:47] Greg: Okay. He had fallen in

[00:08:49] Kathy: the basement. No, mm-hmm there was kittens on top of the stove. Mm-hmm and he went to get up to play with the kittens and just dead healed.

You stuck his head in his stick going up [00:09:00] like that there. Then he came down and snapped his neck.

[00:09:02] Greg: Oh no. Okay. In. so that sounds like it had a

[00:09:09] Kathy: huge impact on your life. It did. Mm-hmm . And after, after that, I, I, I didn’t even wanna live anymore. I just did. I did overdoses after overdoses. I like, you know, nothing works.

Mm-hmm well, like Stacy that works here, she says, Kathy, you got born nine lives and yes I do. Mm-hmm right.

[00:09:31] Greg: So. The overdoses, um, these visits while you’re mourning your son mm-hmm . Yeah. And so they’d start directly after that. Mm-hmm so what, what were you overdosing on? Just pills. Okay. Just my,

[00:09:47] Kathy: my own

[00:09:48] Greg: medication, right?

No, their own medication was that antidepressants or. His. So were you trying to kill himself?

[00:09:55] Kathy: Yeah. Okay. I didn’t wanna live because he did, he, he was gone, right? Yeah. [00:10:00]

[00:10:01] Greg: So as a, as a mother,

[00:10:04] Kathy: it hurt. Yeah. Still

[00:10:05] Greg: does. Yeah. I have, I have two kids that can, I can’t imagine actually,

[00:10:10] Kathy: well, June 4th is when he was very, he died June 1st and he was very June.

[00:10:15] Greg: Oh. So at the time of this interview, it’s June 9th. So this has been a fresh anniversary for you.

[00:10:22] Kathy: He would’ve been 35. Okay. Eight April 17th. It was this year. Okay.

[00:10:31] Greg: So that was when everything really started

[00:10:35] Kathy: to, it went downhill. I was on the streets for 18 years altogether. Okay. I still brought my kids up to a certain point mm-hmm but then I assigned ’em over to my sister because I did nine months incarceration. I was incarcerated week after week. And every time I get out, I’d do something stupid night.

Get right back in there. Okay. But now I’ve learned a lesson, like, you know, [00:11:00] you ain’t got money. Don’t go to the house. Yeah. Don’t go to the stores. Don’t go anywhere. Yeah. I never stole from stores anyway. Yeah. I never stole anything. Yeah. Except for off my street, grandpa, I stole 1800 bucks off. Okay. Like within six months.

[00:11:18] Greg: Okay. Okay. So you became incarcerated. And how long were you in jail for the first time? Three months. Nine months after you got out of jail, did you continue using drugs at that point?

[00:11:32] Kathy: Um, crack and, uh, weed. Okay. That’s about it. Okay.

[00:11:37] Greg: And were those drug site kept on getting into trouble?

[00:11:42] Kathy: Yeah. Well bleed, no.

Right, right. The other shit. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:11:46] Greg: So it was mainly crack. Yeah. Okay. So after you got to, after you got out, was it at that point, you decided to sign your children over and how [00:12:00] many children did you have at that point?

[00:12:02] Kathy: I had, uh, Anthony, Danielle and Rosemary.

[00:12:07] Greg: Okay. And then what happened in your life?

[00:12:12] Kathy: I just kept getting in trouble.

Mm-hmm I, I didn’t see how I was getting in trouble all the time until I sat down, like, you know, really pondered it. Right. Yeah. And then after that I knew,

[00:12:26] Greg: do you, do you wanna share any of the ways that you coming from them? No. Okay.

[00:12:33] Kathy: all you need. Snow is I got incarcerated time. Yeah. I’m in trouble though.

I guess about 10, 10, 12, 13 years.

[00:12:42] Greg: What changed for you?

[00:12:45] Kathy: well, what I learned it taught myself to stay out of it. Mm-hmm don’t touch. What’s not yours. Mm-hmm if you can’t ask for, it’s not worth having, was

[00:12:54] Greg: it a little bit of self discipline?

[00:12:55] Kathy: Is that, um, when I self discipline myself [00:13:00] is when, um, about maybe what little 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 years ago.

I used to slash cut my arms. I used to be a cutter mm-hmm and the only way, way I would do that, I wouldn’t discipline myself because. Had drugs. I was disciplining myself because people call me names and stuff like that. Mm-hmm tell me I was a liar and this and that and everything else, you know, so I used to cook marriage.

[00:13:23] Greg: Okay. And is this, um, is this why you were living on the street?

[00:13:29] Kathy: No, I was living at marriage place at time. Okay. .

[00:13:34] Greg: that’s um,

[00:13:36] Kathy: it sounds painful. It was mm-hmm but every kind I meant, I just, I felt good.

[00:13:46] Greg: How does that feel? Good.

[00:13:49] Kathy: Well, because when you’re so li past your head mm-hmm, so stressed. You just want to do something just to.

Finish yourself. Mm-hmm well, I didn’t wanna finish myself. I just [00:14:00] want to show myself that I can get rid of pain, easier taking a pill.

[00:14:04] Greg: Okay. And so the, it sounds like the endorphins that you got are, that you got from cutting was a mm-hmm was satisfactory. Yeah. Yeah. It okay. For me to ask what was living on the street?

Like hell, okay. What was the worst part of it

[00:14:23] Kathy: being. In the winter tall. And,

[00:14:26] Greg: and where were you living on

[00:14:28] Kathy: here or there? Everywhere.

[00:14:29] Greg: Okay. About Southwestern Ontario,

[00:14:31] Kathy: mostly. Yeah, we were ater Waterloo, Cambridge. Okay. That’s what it all GU London, Hamilton, Toronto mm-hmm

[00:14:41] Greg: yeah. And it was. How for, um, being cold and trying to find shelter.

And what else?

[00:14:51] Kathy: Food. Mm-hmm water. Mm-hmm that? You know, decent place to live. We doing drugs though. Yeah. Crack and weed. Crack

[00:14:59] Greg: and weeds [00:15:00] or Coke or Coke. Yeah. Which is similar crack. Yeah. Shreve weeks. Yeah. Were you able to develop friendships on the streets and did you help you out?

[00:15:10] Kathy: Well, Yes or no. Okay. If you had the money mm-hmm we got lots of friends.

Okay. But as soon as you had no money, okay. You got no friends. Okay.

[00:15:23] Greg: So for someone like me, so what I’m trying to get at, I guess, is someone like me, who’s never been homeless. and I honestly believe that it’s possible for anybody to, to end up there.

[00:15:35] Kathy: You could be there tomorrow. Right?

[00:15:37] Greg: Well, I had very significant mental health problems when I was a young adult and I could have easily ended up on the street if someone decided to kick me out at the wrong time.

[00:15:47] Kathy: Exactly. Um, and that’s what happened to me.

[00:15:51] Greg: Mm-hmm so for someone like me, help me understand what it was like living on the living on the street. [00:16:00]

[00:16:00] Kathy: The only money you had was precious to you and all you wanted to do was that drug. Yeah. You didn’t wanna buy food anymore. You didn’t want to Buy nothing. A can of pop will do

you a week

[00:16:10] Greg: Yeah. So, emotionally, what does it feel like now? No, emotionally at this time,

[00:16:19] Kathy: sad, depressing.

[00:16:23] Greg: Worthless. Yeah. It looks like you’re doing better now. Oh, I’m doing lot better. Yeah. I’m not in jail. Yeah. Well that helps not getting into trouble.

[00:16:34] Kathy: Yeah. I’m trying to stay clean Mm-hmm like the other hard trucks, but my marijuana, I keep that.

[00:16:40] Greg: Yeah, that doesn’t sound as dangerous.

[00:16:43] Kathy: If

I could walk in your shoes for a year, would you walk in mine after everything I told

you.

[00:16:49] Greg: No, I I wouldn’t.

Thank you.

Yeah. So how long have you been clean now? Off of, yeah. [00:17:00] Off of crack cooking, the harder drugs?

[00:17:02] Kathy: Well, I only did crack for cocaine. I dabbled in crystal meth.

Um, crack I’ll do it only when it’s given to me, I’m not gonna buy it. Mm-hmm but my weeded mm-hmm I pay for that. Yeah. And I’ll buy it and I’ll continue buying it until it runs off the years. So

[00:17:21] Greg: tell me what your life is like now and how it’s better then it was before.

[00:17:25] Kathy: Well, now I got. That care. Okay.

Whether I have money or not. Mm-hmm the other place I live at 4 0 9 mill street. Okay. Uh, Joan she’s me and her became really, really good friends. Mm-hmm .

[00:17:38] Greg: And, um, was she homeless at one time too?

[00:17:42] Kathy: No. Okay. You know, I just, I just met her through where I used to live mm-hmm and, um, she, uh, We became pretty good friends.

What

[00:17:54] Greg: was that like for you? I assume

[00:17:55] Kathy: it was awesome. And we’re still friends. I phoned her two days ago. Yeah. [00:18:00] Told her I’m coming to see her on the, on the 15th.

[00:18:02] Greg: Yeah. So what, what kind of things do you guys

[00:18:05] Kathy: like to do together? Uh, we just sit outside, have smokes, laughed a lot and yeah. You know, she’s dying to see me.

She’s she cries every day at night. She says, Kathy, I don’t know why you left. You’re my favorite person here. And she says, I want you to come back.

[00:18:21] Greg: And before Joan, how long had been since you had a really good friend?

[00:18:28] Kathy: It was a long time. Years and years and years? Yeah. Okay. That’s a true friend. Mm-hmm long, long time.

Yeah.

[00:18:37] Greg: um, so, um, as far as your children go, where, where are your children now and what are your

[00:18:45] Kathy: relationship? Anthony’s and, uh, Kitchener. Mm-hmm Danielle and, uh, Rosemary are in Cambridge and Donald and Corey are in NA.

[00:18:54] Greg: Yeah. And do you still have a relationship with all

[00:18:56] Kathy: of them except for Donald Laqua?

Okay. So I adopted him [00:19:00] out. So when he

[00:19:01] Greg: looked back at everything, what would you say is. The biggest regret that you’ve had in your life?

[00:19:09] Kathy: The biggest

regrets, quite a few of them living on the street, getting incarcerated. Um,

I regret not taking full care of all my kids. Um, regret that my first son died. I regrets every day. Mm-hmm

[00:19:36] Greg: it? It sounds like you deal with them differently then

[00:19:42] Kathy: I do. What’s,

[00:19:43] Greg: what’s changed,

[00:19:45] Kathy: not a whole hell of a lot, but I just sit there and stare into the walls. Stare out the window or just sit there and listen music or cry or whatever.

What do the staff feel like? They’re really nice. Really good. Mm-hmm yeah. [00:20:00] I haven’t had a deep conversation with none of them yet. Except for Cassidy. She made me cry. Mm-hmm oh, I’m sorry. No, in a good way. Vomited play. Okay.

[00:20:12] Greg: Are you a lot happier where you are in your life now?

[00:20:14] Kathy: Yes. Okay. Not a hundred percent, but yeah. More than 50. Yeah.

[00:20:19] Greg: So what was the changing point to like your life starting to improve?

[00:20:26] Kathy: I finally realized what my mom’s insane. Oh my gosh.

[00:20:31] Greg: Is your

[00:20:31] Kathy: mom still alive? Oh, yes. I’m still chicken. Okay. She better?

Yeah. Talk to her this morning.

[00:20:37] Greg: Okay. So what’s your mom been like? Has you been going through all this? Have you stayed in contact?

[00:20:43] Kathy: Oh, every day. Every day. I Wollen. Or every other day or every three days I phone her and say, yeah, we got time. Mm-hmm she’ll say, yeah. And I’ll say, okay, just talk. She says, no, then I’ll say I’ll be out phone you alone.

[00:20:56] Greg: So did you do that while you were living on the street as well? No.

[00:20:59] Kathy: [00:21:00] No. Okay. She didn’t know where I was from one night to next. How do you

[00:21:04] Greg: think that made her feel solid? Mm-hmm

[00:21:08] Kathy: yeah. Disappointed

[00:21:10] Greg: Egypt. well, I’m, I’m really happy that life has gotten a lot better for you. You seem to be happy with the staff and happy here.

Yeah. Yeah. What are your goals for the future at this point?

[00:21:25] Kathy: Staying outta trouble. Okay. And get to see my kids soon. Do you not

[00:21:30] Greg: get to see them often? And is that because they

[00:21:35] Kathy: distance because of what happened when they were growing up.

[00:21:40] Greg: Yeah. And so that they had other people taking care of them. Just my sister.

Okay. Yeah. Are they doing

[00:21:47] Kathy: okay in life? Well, yeah, I’ve got two grandsons and a granddaughter. Do you get to see them? I see pictures

[00:21:54] Greg: of them. Okay. How does that make you feel great?

[00:21:59] Kathy: great. [00:22:00] That’s

[00:22:00] Greg: awesome. The life that you’ve had has had many challenges. What’s piece of advice. Would you give people?

[00:22:12] Kathy: Hm. Stay in school, get good grades, get yourself a decent apartment house, whatever.

Make your money, pay your rent. Stay away from the judge. Learn to say no instead saying, oh yeah, sure. I’ll try that. Mm-hmm learn to say no. Was that a, that was a big thing with me. I always kept saying, oh yeah, sure. I’d like to try that. Yeah. But then I start saying no, don’t want what you have. I will get what I want.

Yeah. And be kind to your mama

[00:22:46] Greg: well, thank you very much, Kathy. Everything. Thank you for having this interview with me. I really appreciate it.

At supportive housing of Waterloo, they believe housing is a [00:23:00] fundamental right for everyone. Beyond affordable housing, they help people transform their lives by providing programs, services, and support for homelessness, addiction, and mental and physical health issues. You can visit their website at http://www.showaterloo.org.

That’s S H O waterloo.org. By donating, you can make a meaningful difference in people’s lives by helping to give them the dignity of a safe place to call home. Thank you to the staff at supportive housing of Waterloo for connecting deep conversations with strangers with Kathy. And thank you again to Kathy for stepping forward to be interviewed.

If you enjoyed this life story episode, listen to another. Such as my interview with Abiha Syed who immigrated to Canada [00:24:00] 28 years ago and has spent many of those years building connections between the Muslim community and the larger community in Cambridge.

[00:24:08] Abiha: I was able to communicate the perspective of a Muslim’s life, right. Values to a person who is not Muslim mm-hmm . So when 911 happened. I remember distinctly thinking, oh my God, I have to do all this work over again.

[00:24:29] Greg: Abiha is now a co-founder and co-chair of the Muslim women of Cambridge and a community engagement coordinator at Immigration Partnership Waterloo Region. Listen to her story as part of this first series of deep conversations with strangers.

Thanks for listening. Take heart and take care.